After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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