We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
