my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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