This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
