eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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