I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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