Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
its liver damage thursday
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
