my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
