hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Girls should come with a carfax report
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
