my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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