Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
