now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
