I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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