Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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