I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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