Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
