I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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