Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
