I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Boobs speak an international language.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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