theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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