im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your cock deserves a montage
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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