So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
