Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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