Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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