that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
