3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
