Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
