Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
