I wish I could punch you in the face.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
