Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
