I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
