You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
