We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
