I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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