I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
