p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
