you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
