i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
