proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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