So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
