I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
