Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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