My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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