I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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