we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
