so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just had sex on a roof
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
