At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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