too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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