I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
