Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
