There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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