What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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