you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
